Depression
by DegrassiLover
Summary: Ashley has found out about Craig and Manny. Now she is doing things that aren't great for her, will she come to her senses in the end or end up getting hurt even more?
1. Chapter 1

Ashley laid in her bed, she was depressed. It was winter break and she hadn't moved since the day she found out Craig had been cheating on her. She wasn't eating, she wasn't sleeping, she hadn't had any social interaction in a week except for her mom. Day by day she got worse, she got more depressed.  
  
Ashley looked down at herself, trying to see what fault Craig had seen in her first.  
  
"I'm too fat, that's why he left me."  
  
"I am too cautious I didn't give myself to him."  
  
Many thoughts like this went through her head as she laid in bed.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was the day before the next term started and Ashley finally made her way out of bed. She stepped into a hot shower and let the steaming water pour all over her. Stepping out she slipped a towel around underneath her arms and wiped the steam off of the mirror. Her dark brown hair looked black when wet, and it usual flipped out shape hung straight. She then opened the door and walked into her room, putting on a gray pair of sweat pants and a black t-shirt with the slogan 'I am just a fucking ray of sunshine aren't I.' On it. Then she headed down stairs.  
  
"Look you finally came out of hiding." Toby said as she entered the living room.  
  
"Shut up." Ashley whispered while heading to the kitchen.  
  
"Ashley are you hungry?" her mom Kate asked when she sat down.  
  
"No." Ashley answered.  
  
"Paige and Terri have both been calling for you, are you going to call them back?" Kate asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well then what are you going to do?"  
  
"Sleep." Ashley said leaving the kitchen and heading back up to her room.  
  
Then next morning Ashley woke up early even though she had only been asleep a few hours. She got out of bed and got dressed, did her hair and was out the door. In school she was silent even if a teacher called on her, she wouldn't answer. At lunch she didn't touch her food, and Paige, Terri and Ellie just stared at her.  
  
"Ash are you okay?" Paige asked.  
  
Ashley didn't answer, she just stared at some one. Paige, Ellie, and Terri all turned around to see Craig standing right there. They all gave him an evil glare and he slowly walked away.  
  
"It's going to be okay." Terri said putting her hand on Ashley's shoulder.  
  
Ashley got up from the table and ran to the girls washroom. The only person in there was the other last person besides Craig she wanted to see. It was Manny standing there fixing her lip gloss. Ashley slowly turned and tried to leave.  
  
"Ashley wait." Manny said right before Ashley opened the door.  
  
Ashley was silent but didn't move.  
  
"Look I am really sorry."  
  
Ashley felt the tears welling up in her eyes, and tried as hard as she could to hold them back. She couldn't hold back tears any more, soon every tear she had held back for the past two weeks came streaming down her face, they were multiplying as she turned around to grab a towel. She wiped her self off and then left trying to just escape from the terror of Craig. She left Manny standing there, a girl who just followed her heart.  
  
Ashley was in class but she really wasn't her mind was off some where else. And before she knew it, school was over and it was time to go get back in bed. She walked into her house but her mom stopped her before letting her go up to her room.  
  
"Ash we are going some where, you need to talk about this." Kate said.  
  
"Mom I am fine, I just need some time to myself." Ashley answered trying to move past her mom.  
  
"You can have time to your self after your therapy appointment."  
  
Ashley had been to therapy before, she had done family therapy, then she went again after taking E. Ashley got into the car knowing she couldn't fight and win this battle.  
  
"Are we going to see Dr. Sullivan?" Ashley asked popping gum in her mouth in the car.  
  
"No I got you a new therapist, one who doesn't know your back round as much." Kate answered.  
  
They pulled into a parking lot of a big building and made there way up to the fifth floor.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ashley sat on a dark green velvet couch, and woman with curly brown hair and glasses was staring back at her.  
  
"So Ashley why don't you tell me what's going on with you and your life right now?" the lady asked.  
  
"Well Dr. Stratford. See I was dating this guy named Craig."  
  
"Did you love him? Or do you love him?"  
  
"I did love him I don't know if I still do. Well see I thought everything was going great between us. I even gave him my grand father's guitar that he left to me. See Craig has had a really bad year after his fathers death. Then I found out he was cheating on me and has been lying to me for god knows how long." Ashley explained.  
  
"And are you angry, or upset? I mean do you want to punch him or do you just want to cry?"  
  
"Both." Ashley answered.  
  
"Tell me what you mean by that?"  
  
"Well see right after I found out from the girl we preformed at school. Well see I punched him then and walked off stage. But after he ran after me I became upset and cried and I have been depressed in bed since then."  
  
"Was he your first true love?" Dr. Stratford asked.  
  
"Yes." Ashley replied tears welling up in her eyes.  
  
"What about this other girl, was he her first one true love too?"  
  
"I don't know. See they went on one date like a year ago. He said it was like dating his little sister, but now she has this new look and I don't know if they love each other or are together or not."  
  
"But do you still love him?"  
  
"I don't know, I mean I guess. I can't really turn off those feelings, sure I am really upset and can never trust him again but I do still love him."  
  
"Well Ashley that is all the time we have for today. But I would like to see you again." Dr. Stratford said showing Ashley the door.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ashley sat in her bathroom, everything she had said to Dr. Stratford was running through her head.  
  
"I just need something that can help me escape, something that I can control." Ashley said to herself.  
  
She looked over to see her shaver sitting on the counter. Picking it up she care fully picked one of the blades out of it. Lightly pressing it against her arm she cut a deep straight red line. Then the pain was gone, all pain was escaping through this small deep red line. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ashley fell asleep on the bathroom floor, and was awoken by Toby pounding on it to get in. She got up and got dressed, looking at the cut each time her arm was uncovered. Right before she left she did it again, this time with a pocket knife. Once again all of her pain was escaping through this small red line.  
  
"Hi Ash how are you?" Ellie asked meeting up with her at her locker.  
  
"Okay." Ashley replied.  
  
"I'm glad, did you talk to him?"  
  
"Talk to him? I am not even looking at him." Ashley answered slamming her locker door shut.  
  
The two of them walked to class and took there usual seats.  
  
"Ashley please talk to me!" Craig begged coming up to her.  
  
"No." Ashley replied all of her pain started coming back.  
  
She slowly got up and headed to the girls washroom, heading into a stall she reached in her bag and pulled out the pocket knife, now three red lines spread out across her left arm. The pain was now gone. Ashley then headed back to class, and ignored Craig knowing it would take a while to get back to the washroom for a release, so she needed to stay away from him.  
  
Class was over and Ashley was heading to lunch when Mr. Raditch pulled her aside.  
  
"Ashley I have been meaning to talk to you about your school work. It seems to be slipping is there any thing going on?"  
  
"Yes but I am working on it, I just need sometime." Ashley said.  
  
"We don't have much time I suggest you get your act together." Mr. Raditch said leaving.  
  
Ashley ran to the girls wash room and once again, that made four deep red lines, four perfectly straight red lines. Red lines she could control. Ashley opened up the door and walked to lunch, trying to get a hold of reality. She ate every bite of food that day, but after wards she headed to the wash room once more, but not to cut. This time she slowly stuck her finger down her throat releasing her lunch.  
  
"Another thing I can control." Ashley thought when she stood up.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ashley was becoming worse every day, she started cutting her self at least four time when she was at school. She was throwing up everything she ate. Ellie and Paige started worrying about her.  
  
"Ash are you sure your okay?" Paige asked sitting at the dot.  
  
"Yea I'm fine." Ashley replied eating a big spoon full of her ice cream.  
  
"Are you sure?" Ellie asked.  
  
"Yes. Now excuse me for a minute, bath room break." Ashley said getting up from the table.  
  
Paige and Ellie followed her a few seconds later, inside the bathroom they could hear Ashley throwing up.  
  
"Ashley you are not okay." Paige said when Ashley walked out of the stall.  
  
"Yes I am." Ashley answered.  
  
"Then what is this?" Ellie asked going over and pulling up her sleeve.  
  
"It's nothing." Ashley said.  
  
"Your cutting yourself aren't you? I noticed them yesterday." Ellie asked.  
  
"Yes I am, but I just needed something I could control." Ashley answered.  
  
"So you throw up all of your food too?" Paige asked.  
  
"Only once and a while." Ashley admitted.  
  
"You need to talk to some one." Paige said.  
  
"Yea and admitting it is the first step, remember I was cutting too. I know how better it can make you feel but you have to believe me when I tell you it only gets worse." Ellie said.  
  
"I'm fine you guys, this is just something I need to do to get control of my life." Ashley insisted.  
  
"Ash you have a problem." Paige said.  
  
"Yea you need to talk to some one." Ellie added.  
  
"I'm fine!" Ashley yelled storming out of the resturante. 


	3. Chapter 3

Ashley stormed out of the Dot, furiouse with Paige and Ellie. She just started walking, not really headed any where. Soon she found her self in front of Craig's house. Craig was walking out of the house actually. He closed the door and did a weird little turn. As he was sticking his keys in his pocket he noticed her.  
  
"Ash what are you doing here?" Craig asked.  
  
"I don't know. I got in a fight with Paige and Ellie and just started walking."  
  
"And you came here?"  
  
"Creature of habit." Ashley admitted shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"Well. do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"I don't want to interfere, looked like you were going somewhere."  
  
"I was going to see.." Craig cut off.  
  
"Let me guess you were going to see Manny."  
  
"Well she called and wanted to talk."  
  
"Always gets her way. Craig it didn't hurt as much that you cheated on me. But that you choose her over me. That really killed me."  
  
"It forced you to do this?" Craig asked touching her left arm.  
  
Ashley winced and stepped back.  
  
"Your hurting yourself."  
  
"I am not! It's helping me, it's helping me get over you!" Ashley yelled storming away.  
  
She got about ten feet before she collapsed.  
  
"Ashley!" Craig yelled running to her side.  
  
Hearing Craig scream Joey and Caitlin ran outside.  
  
"Joey help! She just collapsed!" Craig said hystaricle.  
  
"Oh god." Caitlin said running inside to get her keys while Joey and Craig put Ashley in the car.  
  
Craig sat in the waiting room with, Ashley's mom Kate, her step dad Jeff, Toby, Joey and Caitlin.  
  
Craig's POV (thinking)  
  
"How could I let this happen. Why didn't I pick Ashley. I mean I was stupid not to pick Ash. I love her, not Manny. (end of thought)  
  
Craig slowly got out of his chair, and started walking down the hall.  
  
"Craig where are you going?" Joey asked,  
  
"I've got something to take care of. I'll be back." Craig replied.  
  
Craig walked into the Dot. He heard the bell on the door chime and saw a girl waving him over. There was Manny, in her tight hip huggers and crop top.  
  
"This is not going to be easy." Craig said to himself while sitting down.  
  
"Your late, where were you?" Manny asked.  
  
"With Ashley."  
  
"Oh, why?" Manny asked her voice getting tight.  
  
"She was out side my house, on her way home and we started to talk."  
  
"You've been talking this whole time?"  
  
"Actually she collapsed we had to take her to emergency."  
  
Manny smiled and moved her hand on top of Craig's.  
  
"Why are you smiling, Ashley is sick."  
  
"That means she will finally be out of our way."  
  
"I can't believe you! I am going back to the hospital. I was thinking that I loved Ashley more than you, then I saw you hear and decided to give you one more chance, but after that you blew it!" Craig yelled getting up from the table and slamming the chair up against the table.  
  
"Craig, don't! Please just sit down. Don't leave." Manny begged.  
  
"Too late." Craig replied leaving.  
  
Craig walking into the Ashley's hospital room. Every one was sitting there, and to Craig's surprise Ashley was sitting up and talking, weakly but she was still there.  
  
"Hi Craig." Ashley said sleepily.  
  
"Hey Ash how are you feeling?" Craig asked.  
  
Every one else got up and left, Craig didn't notice his eyes were zeroed in on Ashley. 


	4. Chapter 4

Ashley sat in a white room with a few diplomas hanging on the walls. The couch she sat on was a dark green, it felt rough and hard against her skin. The social worker of the private session she attended every Wednesday. She wore a pink t-shirt and a dark pair of jeans, and her brown hair was long and braided. Her voice light and sweet made Ashley feel like she was listening to soft quiet music.  
  
"Are you ready to talk about him?" Sarra asked.  
  
Ashley acted like she didn't know Sarra was talking about Craig. But what other him could she be talking about? Sure there was Jimmy, but Ashley was way over that. Or her Dad but after all Ashley hadn't talked to him in a while except once and a while over the phone.  
  
"Craig? I guess I should." Ashley replied moving her hair away from her eyes.  
  
"It might be a good idea."  
  
"Where should I start I mean what do you want to know?"  
  
"Why don't you start with everything good, everything that you love about him? Then maybe we can get into the more harder times of your relationship."  
  
"Okay good stuff. I mean I guess that we were friends first was really cool. You know I got to be there for him as a friend you know when his dad died and everything. I mean we had a lot in common with music, and differentially, you know. Then this one time we were having this fight, I mean we were actually on a break and everything. He wrote me this song."  
  
"What was the fight about? Sarra asked.  
  
"Well I told him I loved him and he kind of joked about it"  
  
-Flash Back-  
  
Craig and Ashley lay on top of her bed books falling on the floor.  
  
Craig reaches for Ashley's belt buckle, but is stopped by Ashley.  
  
"What?" Craig asks sitting up with Ashley.  
  
"I love you." Ashley replied.  
  
Craig laughed and then leaned into to kiss her but was stopped by Ashley.  
  
"Well do you know feel like that?" Ashley asked.  
  
"Nah not really I think your dumb and you kinda smell." Craig said.  
  
Ashley rolled her eyes and got of the bed.  
  
"Come on that was supposed to be a joke." Craig replied.  
  
Ashley looks over at Craig.  
  
"Look Ash of course I feel like you do, it's just."  
  
"I should really get back to my homework Spinners loading me up for more work for Paige's surprise party."  
  
-End Flash Back-  
  
"Then the next day there was a fund raiser at school, and it was to send rose a grams. Well Craig sent me a dozen which I couldn't of been happier until I flipped over the card."  
  
"And what did it say?"  
  
"Ash you rock. XO Craig."  
  
"How did that make you feel?" Sarra asked.  
  
Ashley laughed before answering, "It's just that I looked around, even Paige one of my greatest friends who was dating Spinner had an I Love You on her card. And I could of sworn I would of gotten one too since I had told him how I was feeling and all."  
  
"So where did it go from there?"  
  
"Well I told him I wanted to take a break. And the next day I had a note on my locker."  
  
-Flash Back-  
  
-note- Meet me in the gym c.  
  
Ashley walked to the gym.  
  
"Craig?" Ashley asked.  
  
"No laughing okay?"  
  
Ashley nods.  
  
"Something bout the way you shine When the lights go out I wanna make you mine Something bout the way it seems You're always here in my dreams And when no ones there No I'm not scared But I'm in love With you."  
  
-End Flash Back-  
  
"I walked into the gym and he sang to me. I forgave him for everything, maybe that was the wrong thing to do."  
  
"I am having a feeling that there is another part of this story, would you like to continue, or finish up this conversation next week?"  
  
"I think I would like to continue later."  
  
"Alright that's fine. Now I have a few things I need to talk to you about." Sarra said sitting back in her chair.  
  
"Okay go ahead."  
  
"Well you've been here for five months now. You've been doing you school work so you won't be held back. But you do know that when you go home in a month, that your friends are going to be different."  
  
"I know just from having Ellie come and visit me, I can already tell."  
  
"Now also you are going to have to confront Craig. Because if you don't he's going to do that with you. Now you said that the day he took you to the hospital he said he saw sparks between you. So you have to be ready to deal with that."  
  
"Yea I know."  
  
"And the last thing, you have been in this secure place that is a out of the real world it's going to be hard going back out there. Now there are going to be times that with stress your going to want to cut, or throw up what you eat. Like has there ever been a time you've done that here?" Sarra asked.  
  
"No I haven't done it since I was brought here to Sunset Lodge."  
  
"Have you ever wanted too?"  
  
"Maybe a couple of times, but I haven't ever actually done it."  
  
"And I know that Ashley. Everyone who comes here thinks or wants to go back to their problems when it gets hard, or scary, or just really stress full. But you just have to realize that it's even harder when you leave here. So I need you to promise me that you'll always come and talk to me if you need too, because you are a great girl and I really don't want to see you back here again." Sarra explained.  
  
"Thanks Sarra, I really don't want to be back here either. So are we finished?" Ashley asked sitting forward a bit.  
  
"Yea I'll see you next week." Sarra replied.  
  
Ashley got off the sofa, and gave a small wave to Sarra as she left the office and walked down the hall to her room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Next chapter out soon! Read and Review. 


End file.
